I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
