So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
