the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
