She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
