NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
