he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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