I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
