Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
