I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize