i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!