This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship