In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.