I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor