break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊