he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood