I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
