Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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