The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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