Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize