He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
