If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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