I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
