Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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