today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
