I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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