Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
