Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
