...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
