am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
