I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize