dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
