I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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