I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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