Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
