do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
