Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
