so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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