i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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