Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

(312): View more from Illinois

Prob not but she was surprised

Fav 2 2050 969
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(513): View more from Ohio

My mom found a condom in my purse

(513): View more from Ohio

Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.

Fav 47 945 5067
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(651): View more from Minnesota

It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.

Fav 87 844 4617
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(204): View more from Manitoba

between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

Fav 28 1202 4899
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(859): View more from Kentucky

did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

Fav 24 13082 2007
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

Fav 0 978 2695
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(907): View more from Alaska

You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.

Fav 6 2598 1372
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(530): View more from California

No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food

Fav 1 511 838
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.

Fav 0 106 12
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