I accidentally had phone sex last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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