i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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