I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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