note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
