Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
