We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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