I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
