Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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