omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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