its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
