NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
