i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
