her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
