God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Welp...herpes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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