So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
