He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
