Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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