meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
