I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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