Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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