moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
