he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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