pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
