So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
