Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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