she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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