The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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