five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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