I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
