This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
