You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
