I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
