So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
