so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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